“Dear God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, whatever/whoever is up there. I have one request to you. If you want me to believe… I pray that when I go to sleep tonight, I don’t wake up. Ever. At all! Please help me die, God. So, that’s it. I guess I’ll see you soon.. if you’re real, of course”. This prayer was constructed through floods of tears – it would be the first time I openly prayed.
I was so angry. Furious, even, the following morning. Because I did wake up. Still high. Still in a situation I felt was unfair and unjust. Still causing people, the people I love the most inexcusably selfish treatment. I did want to die that night, but I was too scared to do anything about it other than pray to a God at the time I didn’t believe in. A prayer unanswered, I figured.
What I was too arrogant to understand, was that my prayers WERE answered that night, just not how I invited (demanded!) them to be.
I honestly believe that God answers all our prayers. But as we’re limited to only human minds, we’ll never quite grasp God’s bigger picture.
Oh, and for those wondering how my story is now? (Which I will document throughout on this page!) from the night of suicidal ideation, hopelessness and addiction encumbered… I’m now the proud, life-loving (and 13-year-clean!) Christian at the tagged photo you can see here.
(I’ve just gone through again and seen the photo where I don’t look as happy as I truly am… God has done so much for me, but he hasn’t Blessed me with nice teeth!).
If you’re willing, did you ever have a prayer you felt weren’t answered only to be completely wrong?
God Bless!