Why I’m grateful!
If you’ll allow me to put into perspective the reason for my sincere gratitude (and why I wish to declare it to the mercy of the internet!). I had just been given a short leave from the psychiatric unit where I was receiving treatment.. I had gone for a meal with an old school friend, a one-off event, but one of fantastic company. I detailed to her the things I, unfortunately, would most likely miss out on due to the severity of my diagnosis. Factors such as a stable career, a wife, little Alex’s running around causing chaos whilst I express to my dad that I’m sure I wasn’t such a ‘handful’. (Although my dad would disagree!) all of these presented as extremely improbable.
It wasn’t necessarily the complete incapacity of achieving ‘typical’ life goals due to my illness, just how I utilised damaging coping strategies whenever my vulnerable ego was threatened (which happened, a lot!). I had always struggled with maturity (later explained by specialists that the years my sister was unwell, I did not progress mentally compared to my peers). I struggled with leaving the house, catching the bus, even my visits to participate in once joyful activities, became mentally incumbering (anhedonia, I now know the name!).
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Many of my closest (non-believing) friends have presented their opinions to me about their lack of faith. That unless they have undeniable proof of existence, they will continue to lead a life with the absence of God. Whether this manifests as seeing Jesus, an encounter with an angel or some other tangible proof that cannot be questioned. Yet, and without intending to sound too grandiose… to me, the transformations in my life lead me to believe I have.. (and I AM!) witnessing tangible proof that cannot be questioned.
Spoiler alert here, I do have a stable career. One that causes me great fulfilment and purpose. I do have a wife. One that causes me to feel love and safety. (Once she’s finished questioning whether I need medication for my ‘clear undiagnosed ADHD’). And I DO have little Alex’s running around causing chaos. (My dad still goes on to say they’re impeccably behaved in comparison to my own childhood chaos!).
So, thank You! Thank You that I have so much in my life I can express gratitude for. If I documented everything that causes me to be blessed, this would be a long (well, longer… sorry I got carried away!) piece of prose.
Stay Blessed!