Goodbye, gaming. It’s goals, gratitude and God.
We learn in the Bible that it is impossible to wholeheartedly serve two things. Usually, what allures others into other potential pursuits from Christ, distracting us of our love for God, is money. However, it can be a variety of other addictions which dilutes our love. Drugs and/or alcohol, sex, gambling. Whatever grips you. For me, it’s.. well.. I play videogames. Relentlessly. Whilst this sounds moderately tame in comparison, there’s a much darker experience through simply ‘playing a game’, one I wish to address to you lovely people.
I struggle in many areas. I fail in almost every role I undertake. Whilst my failures are never a result of lacklustre effort, consistent feedback suggests that I struggle at a basic level. Historic drug use mixed with current strong prescribed medication all affect my cognitive ability, which becomes my go-to excuse for unfulfilling my duties (whether as a husband, a friend, a brother, an employee…). The only area of strength I appear to possess, is my ability to play videogames.
My relapse rate is extremely high for returning to gaming when experiencing whatever intense emotion. Anger at being “unfairly” criticised? An uneasy feeling of unworthy or inability? Missing my targets? I will draw back to what I know I can succeed in, a dungeon. A level. One more game. But it’s never, ever, just ‘one’.
I feel whether this is a conscious understanding as I draw to decisions in the crossroads of life, or a hinted ultimatum from Lord Jesus, but something must change. I must hold myself accountable for risking an unremarkable existence despite (feedback suggests) having potential for a successful and inspiring life.
So, if this is the aforementioned ‘hinted ultimatum’ from my God, it’s imperative that I commit to action, rather than waiting for the opportune moment. Although I concede writing words is easy, the hard part is the application.
Honestly and unfortunately this addiction manifests in a way that praying alone, for me, is not enough to allow me to withdraw from gaming. It’s going to take a monumental effort, although God’s Strength is enough! A strength I will be utilising to get me through to a life I can be proud of.
Will I be a poet, selling out church venues in an attempt to draw others closer to God? Doubtfully. Will I give it everything I possibly have? That answer is a definitive… YES!
So goodbye gaming. Thank you for allowing me to mask painful emotions and experiences, but it’s gratitude, goals and God now.